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    Yeah? What do you think happens when you get divorced? You turn in your library card? Get a new driver’s license? Stop being Jewish? A way out west there was a fella, fella I want to tell you about, fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least, that was the handle his lovin’ parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. This Lebowski, he called himself the Dude.

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    Life does not stop and start at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit. A MILLION BUCKS FROM FUCKING NEEDY LITTLE URBAN ACHIEVERS! YOU ARE SCUM, MAN! I know my rights. Fuck it, Dude. Let’s go bowling. Mein nommen iss Karl. Is hard to verk in zese clozes. “My son can’t hold a job, my daughter’s married to a fuckin’ loser, and I got a rash on my ass so bad I can’t hardly siddown. But you know me. I can’t complain.”.

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    Life does not stop and start at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit. A MILLION BUCKS FROM FUCKING NEEDY LITTLE URBAN ACHIEVERS! YOU ARE SCUM, MAN! I know my rights. Fuck it, Dude. Let’s go bowling. Mein nommen iss Karl. Is hard to verk in zese clozes. “My son can’t hold a job, my daughter’s married to a fuckin’ loser, and I got a rash on my ass so bad I can’t hardly siddown. But you know me. I can’t complain.”.

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    What are you, some kind of sad-assed refugee from the fucking sixties? I don’t see any connection to Vietnam, Walter. Walter, come off it. You’re not even fucking Jewish. You’re fucking Polish Catholic. Are they gonna hurt us, Walter? Another Caucasian, Gary. They were Nazis, Dude? Fucking fascist! Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, yes, and proud we are of all of them. I’m as Jewish as fucking Tevye.

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    My dirty undies. Laundry, Dude. The whites. Who the fuck is Arthur Digby Sellers? Thankie… Just one thing, Dude. D’ya have to use s’many cuss words? If the plan gets too complex something always goes wrong. If there’s one thing I learned in Nam—. This Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can’t go give him a bill so what the fuck are you talking about? Life does not stop and start at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit.

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    The Dude was certainly that—quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County. That’s fuckin’ combat. The man in the black pyjamas, Dude. Worthy fuckin’ adversary. But that is up to little Larry here. Isn’t it, Larry? That guy treats objects like women, man. To use the parlance of our times. Walter, you can’t do that. These guys’re like me, they’re pacifists. Smokey was a conscientious objector.

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Dear Frustrated Marketer,

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And Hill 364. These young men gave their lives. And Donny too. Donny who… who loved bowling. Excuse me! Mark it zero. Next frame. Forget it, Donny. You're out of your element. Vee belief in nossing. This Chinaman is not the issue! Stay out of Malibu, deadbeat! Are they gonna hurt us, Walter? I—the royal we, man, you know, the editorial. Yeah man. Well, you know, the Dude abides.

That is our most modestly priced receptacle. Lady, I got buddies who died face-down in the mud so you and I could enjoy this family restaurant! I don't like you sucking around bothering our citizens, Lebowski. WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON-CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF. You know, little of this, little of that. Fine, Dude. As if it's impossible to get some nail polish, apply it to someone else's toe.

The new technology permits us to do exciting things with interactive erotic software. Wave of the future, Dude. 100% electronic. LOGJAMMIN'.

I have no choice but to tell these bums that they should do whatever is necessary to recover their money from you, Jeffrey Lebowski. A fifteen-year-old? Is this your idea of a joke? My point, Dude, is why should we settle for twenty grand when we can keep the entire million. Am I wrong?

DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS, LARRY? You're just looking for a handout like every other. Are you employed, Mr. Lebowski? My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal. Which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina. What's a pederast, Walter? How come you don't roll on Saturday, Walter? Call the medics, Dude. Is this your homework, Larry? He suspects that the culprits might be the very people who, uh, soiled your rug, and you're in a unique position to confirm or, uh, disconfirm that suspicion.

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And Hill 364. These young men gave their lives. And Donny too. Donny who… who loved bowling. Excuse me! Mark it zero. Next frame. Forget it, Donny. You're out of your element. Vee belief in nossing. This Chinaman is not the issue! Stay out of Malibu, deadbeat! Are they gonna hurt us, Walter? I—the royal we, man, you know, the editorial. Yeah man. Well, you know, the Dude abides.

That is our most modestly priced receptacle. Lady, I got buddies who died face-down in the mud so you and I could enjoy this family restaurant! I don't like you sucking around bothering our citizens, Lebowski. WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON-CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF. You know, little of this, little of that. Fine, Dude. As if it's impossible to get some nail polish, apply it to someone else's toe.

The new technology permits us to do exciting things with interactive erotic software. Wave of the future, Dude. 100% electronic. LOGJAMMIN'.

I have no choice but to tell these bums that they should do whatever is necessary to recover their money from you, Jeffrey Lebowski. A fifteen-year-old? Is this your idea of a joke? My point, Dude, is why should we settle for twenty grand when we can keep the entire million. Am I wrong?

DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS, LARRY? You're just looking for a handout like every other. Are you employed, Mr. Lebowski? My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal. Which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina. What's a pederast, Walter? How come you don't roll on Saturday, Walter? Call the medics, Dude. Is this your homework, Larry? He suspects that the culprits might be the very people who, uh, soiled your rug, and you're in a unique position to confirm or, uh, disconfirm that suspicion.


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  • The kid's still got, oh, 96 to 97 thousand, depending on the options.
  • I mean his wife goes out and owes money and they pee on my rug.
  • We know that this is your homework. We know you stole a car.
  • Wave of the future, Dude. 100% electronic. Lebowski. Ja, vee could really do it,
  • No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds. This will not stand, you know, this aggression will not stand, man.
  • I'll get you a toe by this afternoon —with nail polish.
  • That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing.
  • Tomorrow vee come back und cut off your chonson. Vee belief in nossing.
  • My point, Dude, is why should we settle for twenty grand when we can keep the entire million. Am I wrong?

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Module #1

EmailProfitsBook

Finding Your Niche

What in God's holy name are you blathering about? Whose toe was it, Walter? This compulsive fornicator is taking my father for the proverbial ride. Are they gonna hurt us, Walter? Hey! This is a private residence, man! Would it be possible for me to get my twenty grand in cash? I gotta check this with my accountant of course. Mr. Lebowski is in seclusion in the West Wing.

Dude, please!… Is this your homework, Larry? Hardly Dude, a new 'vette? The kid's still got, oh, 96 to 97 thousand, depending on the options. Do you have any kalhua? Vee vant zat money, Lebowski.

What You Will Learn...

  • The kid's still got, oh, 96 to 97 thousand, depending on the options.
  • I mean his wife goes out and owes money and they pee on my rug.
  • We know that this is your homework. We know you stole a car.
  • Wave of the future, Dude. 100% electronic. Lebowski. Ja, vee could really do it,
  • No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds. This will not stand, you know, this aggression will not stand, man.
  • I'll get you a toe by this afternoon —with nail polish.
  • That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing.
  • Tomorrow vee come back und cut off your chonson. Vee belief in nossing.
  • My point, Dude, is why should we settle for twenty grand when we can keep the entire million. Am I wrong?

Module #2

Build Your Email Funnel

Vee belief in nossing. How come you don't roll on Saturday, Walter? But that is up to little Larry here. Isn't it, Larry? Regrettably, it's true, standards have fallen in adult entertainment. It's video, Dude.

My point, Dude, is why should we settle for twenty grand when we can keep the entire million. Am I wrong? Hey, relax man, I'm a brother shamus. People forget that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone. My dirty undies. Laundry, Dude. The whites. Nihilists! Jesus. Yeah man, it really tied the room together.

EmailProfitsBook

What You Will Learn...

  • The kid's still got, oh, 96 to 97 thousand, depending on the options.
  • I mean his wife goes out and owes money and they pee on my rug.
  • We know that this is your homework. We know you stole a car.
  • Wave of the future, Dude. 100% electronic. Lebowski. Ja, vee could really do it,
  • No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds. This will not stand, you know, this aggression will not stand, man.
  • I'll get you a toe by this afternoon —with nail polish.
  • That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing.
  • Tomorrow vee come back und cut off your chonson. Vee belief in nossing.
  • My point, Dude, is why should we settle for twenty grand when we can keep the entire million. Am I wrong?

Module #3

EmailProfitsBook

Segmenting Your Lists

What in God's holy name are you blathering about? Whose toe was it, Walter? This compulsive fornicator is taking my father for the proverbial ride. Are they gonna hurt us, Walter? Hey! This is a private residence, man! Would it be possible for me to get my twenty grand in cash? I gotta check this with my accountant of course. Mr. Lebowski is in seclusion in the West Wing.

Dude, please!… Is this your homework, Larry? Hardly Dude, a new 'vette? The kid's still got, oh, 96 to 97 thousand, depending on the options. Do you have any kalhua? Vee vant zat money, Lebowski.

What You Will Learn...

  • The kid's still got, oh, 96 to 97 thousand, depending on the options.
  • I mean his wife goes out and owes money and they pee on my rug.
  • We know that this is your homework. We know you stole a car.
  • Wave of the future, Dude. 100% electronic. Lebowski. Ja, vee could really do it,
  • No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds. This will not stand, you know, this aggression will not stand, man.
  • I'll get you a toe by this afternoon —with nail polish.
  • That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing.
  • Tomorrow vee come back und cut off your chonson. Vee belief in nossing.
  • My point, Dude, is why should we settle for twenty grand when we can keep the entire million. Am I wrong?

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From Our Past Clients And Customers

Theodore Donald Kerabatsos

My dirty undies. Laundry, Dude. The whites. It’s a complicated case, Maude. Lotta ins. Lotta outs. And a lotta strands to keep in my head, man. So if you’ll just write me a check for my ten per cent… of half a million… fifty grand.

Theodore Donald Kerabatsos Kerabatsos inc.
Jackie Treehorn

My dirty undies. Laundry, Dude. The whites. It’s a complicated case, Maude. Lotta ins. Lotta outs. And a lotta strands to keep in my head, man. So if you’ll just write me a check for my ten per cent… of half a million… fifty grand.

Jackie Treehorn Logjammin, LLC
Walter Sobchak

My dirty undies. Laundry, Dude. The whites. It’s a complicated case, Maude. Lotta ins. Lotta outs. And a lotta strands to keep in my head, man. So if you’ll just write me a check for my ten per cent… of half a million… fifty grand.

Walter Sobchak Sobchak Firearms
Karl Hungus

My dirty undies. Laundry, Dude. The whites. It’s a complicated case, Maude. Lotta ins. Lotta outs. And a lotta strands to keep in my head, man. So if you’ll just write me a check for my ten per cent… of half a million… fifty grand.

Karl Hungus Logjammin, LLC
Jeffrey Lebowski

My dirty undies. Laundry, Dude. The whites. It’s a complicated case, Maude. Lotta ins. Lotta outs. And a lotta strands to keep in my head, man. So if you’ll just write me a check for my ten per cent… of half a million… fifty grand.

Jeffrey Lebowski "The Dude" inc.
Little Larry Sellers

My dirty undies. Laundry, Dude. The whites. It’s a complicated case, Maude. Lotta ins. Lotta outs. And a lotta strands to keep in my head, man. So if you’ll just write me a check for my ten per cent… of half a million… fifty grand.

Little Larry Sellers We Know This Is Your Homework Group

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Whose toe was it, Walter? Excuse me! Mark it zero. Next frame. He lives in North Hollywood on Radford, near the In-and-Out Burger. And let’s also not forget—let’s not forget, Dude—that keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for domestic, you know, within the city —that isn’t legal either.

Sure you'll see some tank battles. But fighting in desert is very different from fighting in canopy jungle. Well sir, it's this rug I have, really tied the room together. Walter, you can't do that. These guys're like me, they're pacifists. Smokey was a conscientious objector.

Dude, please!… Is this your homework, Larry? I'm unemployed. Yeah? What do you think happens when you get divorced? You turn in your library card? Get a new driver's license? Stop being Jewish?

I'm not Mr. Lebowski; you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. Eight-year-olds, Dude. I know my rights. Donny was a good bowler, and a good man. He was… He was one of us.

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No, the, uh, police chief of Malibu. A real reactionary. Wait in the car, Donny. 1972 Pontiac LeBaron. I mean his wife goes out and owes money and they pee on my rug. I'm saying, Cynthia's Pomeranian.

See You On The Inside!

Your Signature

P.S. Call the medics, Dude. HERE'S WHAT HAPPENS, LARRY! Yeah, well, right man, there are many facets to this, uh, you know, many interested parties. If I can find your money, man—

P.S.S  What's in it for the Dude? You don't go out and make a living dressed like that in the middle of a weekday.

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